East by Northeast can also be Hairy

The reader may remember North by Northwest, in which the debonair Archibald Leach, later known as Cary Grant, and the beauteous Eva Marie Saint, Hitchcock's blond of 1959, are talking to an idler in the Dakota territory, and he says "Funny thing. That crop-duster is dusting where there aren't any crops." Soon they are strolling down the highway and the plane comes behind them acting like he will land right on them. So they hit the asphalt, without noticeable damage to either Oscar-earning face.

A similar thing happened to this writer last week, and his helpmate, the saintly NEN, who was driving her late engagement gift (Beamer SAV) on I 80 where it skirted a rice field nearing the state capitol of Sacratomato. Suddenly, a chopper appears about 20 feet away and 20 feet up. "Sacre Bleu!", exclaims the saintly madame,"That character is usurping my right of way" Fortunately, the guy turns his machine on a dime (Remember, a dime no longer mails three letters and returns a penny change). The pilot cries,"Those blighters will never give the blight to this rice crop" as he sprays a swath in the opposite direction. This story must end without the vivacious NEN and her spoonerism-quoting emeritus professor chasing the bad guys over Lincoln's face on Mt. Rushmore.

How did we fail you, Steve Jobs?

I know exactly what was our failure, actually. The idea has arisen that electromagnetic waves are a form of black magic; indeed, was not Sam Morse's first telegraph message "What hath God wrought"? In fact, radio and its ilk have always seemed a bit magical. Indeed, this writer remembers introducing FM to a batch of young men the airforce sent us; there were heard muttering to the effect that "f" stood for the standard obscenity and "m" meant magic. Like many of the engineering arts, good teachers can convey how to enhance desireable phenomena and how to minimize the undesirable. However, most engineering schools cop out on the enhancement of electromagnetic propagation.

The invention of the transisstor and the integrated circuit have led to formerly undreamed of miniaturization in electronics. However, antenna optimization may depend upon the wavelength of the carrier frequency; the idea of miniaturizing the wavelength seems to elude the bright young people surrounding Steve Jobs. A number of generally excellent universities lie within fifty miles of Cupertino, but their graduates seem unacquainted with the basics of antenna design. This writer finds the topic of antenna system design fascinating and stands ready to bring it to those who need it. Down through the years Steve Jobs has been generally sure-footed in the introduction of new products. However, these useful devices are put to use by average people who perhaps need just a small amount of training in their use.

Can a boy from Brooklyn wrtie cowboy music?!?

There we were in Stern Grove waiting for the sunday afternoon music to start, namely Aaron Copland's Rodeo, when this blogger was assailed with existential doubt. This was not the first time the writer has doubted the versimilitude of of Copland's inspiration; his opera, The Tender Land, takes place at Commencement time and contains two migrant workers who want to work the "spring harvest". Now, the blogger grew up in northern Michigan, where about the only things harvest in late May was the occasional radish or green peas from the lucky gardener who dodged the bullet of late frost. But then he became aware of a Jewish early harvest festival, named, amazingly, Pentecost. The storal to the mory seems to be, "Artists grab their inspiration wherever they can"

Sure, we're unique

Everybody in Northport, MI, says so. She overflows with energy and ideas. He has a remarkable vocabulary and can be funny. One way in which they are not unique is that there can be traumatic failures of communication. He may utterly miss the clues as to what is important

to her. Several years ago she greatly enjoyed a tea party (Real, not political) for which she and the wife of one of his childhood friends dressed in late 19th century styles and other gentility. This year she received another such invitation, for the very day before we were scheduled to leave the state. He saw the invitation more than once, but failed to(1) note the date and time and (2)recognize her high hopes to enjoy another such elegant event. A famous San Francisco columnist had a saying, often repeated, "Husbands are a sorry lot". He should have known, having experienced four separate ladies, before the cancer carried him off. I have only failed this one lady, but I know pain and frustration when I see it, and resolve to make renewed efforts not to overlook important clues, even those in which the key word seems to be missing.

News from the land of No-Starbucks?!!

Your reporter has lost track of the number 0f years he has listened for the News From Lake Woe-be-gone. It was thus a matter for steep disillusionment when, some 50 miles into the state of Lake Wobegun, his helpmate inquired of a counterperson,"Is there any Starbucks near here?" The answer was, "Gee, I think you wouldn't find any this side of Duluth." Such backtracking was not in the cards, but one wonders, given the Norwegian addiction to caffeine, has Garrison been joshing us all these years? (Sorry Joshua, sometimes it is irresistible for us standup comedians occasi0nally to take your name in vain.) Further discrepancies abound; with a father, brother, nephew and brother in law all named Ralph, we have yet to find Ralph's pretty good Grocery, having to settle for an LA-area supermarket chain. We from Michigan have of course long since given up looking for a Bertha's Kitty Boutique. Our cats lived in the barn, caught the occasional mouse or pigeon or milk on the fly; Those who survived to adulthood slept ATOP the cows on a winter night. Homecoming Queen honors pale to insignificance compared to National Cherry Queen. Certainly we expect no used op septic tank to cruise through the town; the last one has been replaced, at monumental expense by a municipal sewer system.

Spies Like Nice Things too!!

An acquaintance of a lady now accused of being a Russian spy remonstrated "She can't be! She does such nice things with hydrangeas." The lady in question cartainly was not hard to look at but did not remind one at all of Pussy Galore; instead, it telegraphed "middle-aged Slavic". The observer obviously did not understand that a person in the spying trades oughtnot to advertise his/her occupation. He/she ought to look very average and not appear any smarter than those surrounding him/her. If he is surrounded by sports fans, he should cultivate his knowledge of the NFL, of soccer, tennis orwomen's volleyball. A woman ought to do a little gardening if her neighbors do. If everyone drinks beer, your spy couple might do well to forsake aged in oak Chardonnay for a time. If the neighbors are careful buyers, a wine-loving spy would do well to learn to love "Two-buck Chuck".

What is the flavor of seven?

Yours truly was responding to the super buy on soda pop down at the local Safeway. He scanned the ingredients of several and found that for Seven-up. they had listed "natural flavors" Thus the question arose, what is the flavor of Seven? One certainly has some rational expectation of how orange soda should taste, as well as lemon, lime and others. Actually, the flavor of 7-up, by experiment, has a bit of suggestion of lemon and lime, but is this what one is supposed to taste? In the words of the king of Siam, "Is a puzzlement."