Americanische Sprache Uber Alles

The titles was intended to make you think of Hitler; his motto was, "Deutscheland uber alles" the German sentiment that the world would be a better place if Germany ruled. Now, your writer has the distinct understanding that the constitution of the state of Illinois is based on the "American language"

Not having an "official" definition of the American Language,I will feel free to (Oops, dunno where Google put the tool bar to remove the italics that my fickle fingers gave me)express my impression of some of its characteristics. First, its pronunciation is conscientiously phonEtic. This has the advantage the spelling is pretty straightforward. There are of course a few glitches, for which Bill Gates and his minions do not always have the right answer. Nevertheless, the beginning of the college year is when your reporter is apt to spot notices in the Student Union saying "Roomate wanted" to which he habitually inserts another "m" and the addition, "preferably one with a spell-checker". Phonetics are justified by my big brother who was amazed to find that his obviously bright daughter was not learning to read. Her teacher was using a California education fad called the "look-say" method. He taught her that using the alphabet, one could sound OUT the words. She has never looked back and now she teaches him how to use his computer.

The gentle reader may object,"Isn't that just English you are talking about?" I say, "Mercy, no!!" The Englishman says the third ingredient in his Bloody Mary is "Wooster sauce" We American Speakers use a 4-5 syllable word to marinate our steaks, called Worcestershire sauce, (which is five syllables, if we say the word "ire" is two syllables.)

The range of the American language is about the six midwestern states; to Illinois, we add Ohio, Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin and Minnesota, but eccentric variations can be found in any of them. My brother-in-law grew up in southern Indiana, with a scrupulous ability to change his own crankcase "orl" and playing cards "according to Horle". Fifty years ago, Chicago denizens all sounded like Arthur Godfrey (pronounced by us Spoonerism practitioners, "Odfur Garthe")Eastern speakers can fail even to communicate. In the early days of the space program president JFK was saying "I have not spoken to Nasser today" and I am wondering, what does the leader of Egypt to do with the space program? Some day when the reader has me face to face, I will demonstrate how Californians get all the vowels wrong in saying "Cow Palace".

And on this evening of "Trick or Treating" and falling back with all the clocks, The Bay Bridge is closed indefinitely, and I leave you with this bit of wisdom I just thought up. "Rocket Science is easy; It's getting to your desk that is tough.